Friday, January 20, 2012

Week 13 of Pregnancy

I always swore to myself that my posts, and emails, etc... wouldn't be an obsessive amount of ramblings about my pregnancy. I was never the the type of person to "count the days", or really cherish many little sentimental moments of any kind. Some may see this as a sickness, I wouldn't know what to call it... I simply don't get very sentimental-- about anything!

But today, I woke up in a hormonal stew, and sat pouting on my sofa. The perfect time for me to open my journal and try to complain. As I began to write, the Lord really began to weigh in some reality on my heart. So, today I KNOW that God is so good, and to NOT share this pregnancy story with you would be a "cryin'" shame! (ACK!!)

So- for probably the ONLY time- I will share my journal in public, here is today's entry (with computer spell check and edits of course :) :

January 20th, 2012

"On December 1st, I found out I was pregnant. My family cried and screamed with glee, as I masked a smile and waded through the puddle of mixed emotions. Whether or not I wanted this pregnancy, it was now officially mine.

On January 3rd I conquered on of my many pregnancy fears: the doctor visit. Hearing the baby's heartbeat was supposed to make it feel more real, and for a split second, my heart did jump. But the most REAL feeling for me was the constant hunger, the incessant nausea, and my already changing figure. My energy level was non-existant, and my productivity was gone. I would've been pleased if I had at least known my brain was sharp and active, but everyday it became apparent that even it had lost it's edge.

So this is what babies do? They bring joy to everyone around you, while you're perpetually making rushed visits to the bathroom!

On January 9th was my ultrasound. I brought home 3 little pictures of what was very clearly a baby. I was 11 1/2 weeks. This dose of news brought some fresh air to my lungs. 3 months, 4 pounds gained, 61 days of nausea had already passed. I was nearing the end of the first trimester. BUT...

The due date:  JULY 31ST

As I sucked down the ketchup, rationalizing how fries really were the healthy choice, I was internally raving. GOD MUST BE DETERMINED TO TAKE AWAY MY BIRTHDAY! For 24 years I have shared a birthday with my sister Hannah, and now doctors are trying to tell me that I will be sharing it with a third person.

So this is what babies do?!  I never intended to become completely selfless!

A couple weeks have gone by, and now that the nausea seems to visit less frequently, and my hunger has become a controllable habit, I can sit down and think. Thinking however is forced to come by Spirit alone, because by brain has left me.
Is my due date really intended by God as a cruel joke? Or is God saying 'This is my gift to you.' ? What my silly self has been pouting over isn't the child, but the pregnancy.

In a few short months, motherhood is going to slap me in my already tired face. And God is going to place in my arms, the miracle of a child. One HE formed in MY womb. One HE chose even before I was aware. This isn't just a baby, but he/she is a child of God. And for some insane reason God saw me, a mess of a girl, consumed with her body and her brains, and He saw me as the perfect mother for HIS child.

What do babies do then? 

They awaken your eyes to your desperate need for Christ. Before they're even born they force you to die to yourself. 

And they bring you the greatest gift of all:  A clear example of God's grace and love. God who sees you for who you REALLY ARE and not how you simply APPEAR

Now, I don't know how this will change my attitude as my bathroom visits increase, but I know now that July 31st, 2012 (without or without the baby's birth) will be the best birthday ever."

Friday, January 13, 2012

Painting from Life

My husband got the itch the other day, to move out of his studio and find a place to paint outdoors. It's been a cold week, so of course I let him go alone. 

About 5 minutes from the house is an old farm house which sit next door to some train tracks. It's a beautiful piece of property. One I have always enjoyed driving by. This is where Jonathan set up his mini-out-of-car-studio.

I was so happy he documented this time with photos. He doesn't do this often enough. But it is so fun to see the real process of art, and to know from WHERE each painting actually came.

Here's the artist's messy mobile studio. With his bottomless coffee mug. The man has become addicted to coffee! This is no thanks to my father who eagerly eggs it on with new brands and forms of brewing. 
Coffee snobs *cough* *cough*

Here it is!!! Nearly finished, minus the artists' signature.

Now, you know where it came from. It's the real deal. It captures the essence of the place where he stood, in the way only paint can. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Catching up from a LONG silence

Forgive the long intermission from posts, without many complaints spoken today let me just say Google and domain names shouldn't go together. Needless to say after much "sweat and tears" I am happy to at least be back online as

MANY things have happened during the course of these last 2 months. Things I would have shared with you, my friends if I could have.

Firstly, Jonathan and I are now going to be parents! Boy or girl we do not know yet, the baby is officially 12 weeks. It was a surprise to us, but we are very excited that the Lord has seen fit to add to the Howe household. And now what an adventure it will be to raise a FAMILY in an artistic atmosphere.

We're running the list of names, debating over which ones have the most powerful meanings behind them. Decisions have yet to be made if it's a boy, but if it's a girl the verdict has almost been reached.

We have had a couple shows since my last post.  Artscalamation 2011  and  Knoxville Unites 11.11.11
Both went which wonderfully!

At Artsclamation, Jonathan was voted "Featured Artist" for next year, the vote was unanimous, or so we were told, so his art will be featured on all their advertising and he will have twice the booth space as other artists there. God's favor was abundant on that show, this was obvious to us and to the others watching.

Knoxville Unites was our first self-hosted fundraiser event. All for the benefit of Angelic Ministries , a wonderful non-profit, ministry devoted to restoring the lives of families here in Tennessee. We were blessed to have so many people come out and support this cause. And raised generous funds to begin to  chip away at the cost of renovating their building used to feed and minister to those in need.

All this before the end of 2011. And now, a new year has begun. What the Lord holds for 2012 I don't know, but I am excited to see.

Hope all had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!


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